This morning after a fun night at the bar I lost my mind for a moment. I was a little drunk and got in a fight with Ryan. He got in my face and threatend to break my shit so I ran up to the bathroom grabbed a Bic and sliced my leg up. I have had a problem with doing that since I was a teenager. I think is the stupidest thing besides just offing yourself that one can do to themself. It’s been a long time since I have done that and I have been  so strong but to tell the truth I just want to die. I was not trying to die by doing that, I wanted a form of escape. Well….I sure got it. Ryan called 911 and the fire dept came and about 6 cops. It was scary and very embarrassed. Aparently they told Ryan not to go near me and so he stayed away. I was not happy about that. I had to ride in the back of a cop car to the hospital. That was one of the worst expierences in my life.  I felt all the bad people that had been in that seat and it was terrible and scary. They took me to the hospital and I sat alone looking at things that Icould have ended my life with. I am trying to be strong. They gave me a piss test and took blood and I slept for a while. They gave me an evaluation and let me sit there fo a little longer. Then they decided to let me go and I have to report to a mental health place tommorow. I feel so weird and ripped open. I am mad at Ryan for calling 911 and making it into something it should never had been. I just should have not done it but at the same time I don’t care anymore. So…..if I never come on here anymore, rest has finally found me. Thanks to the no one that will never read this.